During my second year of college I had to deal with a lot of crap. My depression started affecting my daily life to the point I often left early from class. I had body image issues and the slight teasings from classmates made it worse. I lost a few friends and it hit me hard. The final nail in the coffin was my boyfriend at that time telling me I had become unlovable.
But every cloud has a silver lining- this was the time I realised that drawing was catharsis for my soul. So I drew. I experimented with many styles till I found one that suited me. And then, I drew every time something brought me down.
This might not shock you, but it did me. I’d never drawn something this grotesque before.
They’re not all great works of art. Most were done in between crying sessions, so they were quick, messy and frankly not very aesthetically pleasing. It it was very different from the perfection I usually practiced.
I was suicidal, but I let out my steam by using paint to voice those thoughts rather than blades 😆
Every time I had such dark thoughts, I used to depend on my now-ex. He usually promised me he’d be there to help, but then disappeared when I needed him the most. Thankfully, it taught me some valuable self-love later.
This is quite possibly my most favourite drawing from that time. I had always been fascinated by the Japanese belief in the red string of fate, and this was how I saw it for me and the person I was with at that time. Also we’re touching our pinkies to show ‘promise’ that according to the strings, will not be kept.
I never felt like I belonged where ever I was. It hurt so much to think that other people did not see me as indispensable as I saw them. (Now I know it isnt true)
I began to get more into Apocalyptic poetry and often drew scenes from it. This particular piece, I think, was inspired from “Darkness” by Lord Byron
I had a ‘good’ birthday at that time. A few people (used to be close to, but not as much post-breakup) and my ex gave me generous gifts, but I still felt so hollow inside. We’d been having arguments, and it felt like he was buying my forgiveness. I’d been looking forward to him wishing me, but even with all the gift-ing, I never got to hear him say “Happy Birthday”. It hurt me more than I give credit for 😅
This is basically what happened with my ex 😅 and this is also the last depressing picture I had drawn in my sketch book. The style started becoming more colourful, which I think was a reflection of my mind at that time.
The next picture I drew is very dear to me, precisely because it was the first time I’d had such a thought.
So my pictures aren’t as “pretty” as they used to be. But they mean a lot more to me now than when I used to ink flowers or cats or whatever.
So even if my talent hasn’t reached Picasso levels, I like to believe that I’ve grown as an artist.
And here’s a Dragon, just for the heck of it .
i bumped across your post just when I am going through the exact same thing! I loved your art work! Stay strong!!! And I’m still looking for my silver lining 😛 thanks for your post
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 😄 And I know you’ll find your silver lining pretty soon. All the best! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is good to see you channelize your thoughts into creative art outlets and that is the secret..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much! 😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
Crayons or pencils? Sometimes channelizing our emotions into art is the best way. For some it is to write, for some to sing, dance to exercise… When I’m low and under I go for a walk.. It refreshes me like not other. But at other times I feel we just need that bit of concentration because we are so distracted with a lot of unrelated things. So painting for one, quilling for another I do to give me that kind of concept concentration.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a very good view point 😆 I usually don’t pause to see what I have in my hands when I draw, so I’ve even drawn with eye liner 😅
And going for a walk when you’re down is wonderful! You stay fit AND clear your mind at the same time!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have drawn with the ChapStick times 😂😂😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I haven’t tried that yet 😀 seems like it’d be difficult to control, though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A broader tip, but works well for shading purposes..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am soooo trying that the next time I feel down 😂
LikeLike
🙂🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Where did my comment go!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂 I’m sorry! Since this was your first time commenting, it’d only appear if I approved of it. I only logged in today, so I could approve of it just now.
Sorry for the inconvenience 😅
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ayyyo! I didn’t mean like that. I thought the slow connection had erased mine totally! No worries!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now you see! 😂😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are beautiful. Really really beautiful. Absolutely loved them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG Thank you! ^ ^ I was having a rather crappy day today but this really cheered me up!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad to have helped 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person