The Regal Jaigarh

A long time back, my family went on a trip to Rajasthan, the largest state in India in terms of area. As a South Indian, the first image that came into mind when I thought of Rajasthan had been a vast, arid desert land.

Imagine my surprise when I was greeted with rain the very day I arrived at Jaipur city! (Capital of Rajasthan)

My most lucid memory of Rajasthan was the visit to the Jaigarh Fort.

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Charbangh Garden

The Jaigarh Fort was built in 1726 by Maharaja Sawai Jai Singh (the then ruler of Jaipur) as a means of protecting his palace complex. Located on one of the peaks of the Aravalli hill range, it was a centre of artillery production for the Rajputs.

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On Love, my Faults and Mitty 

Having been a student of an all girls school for about twelve years, my interaction with boys had been minimal, to say the least. I had had a childhood friend who I once had a crush on but later it grew into a more brotherly affection (at the precise time he started seeing me as a woman. Timing is a bitch). I had had a few guy friends I played Cricket with near my house, but I lost all contact with them once I ‘became’ a girl. A bunch of guy friends at tuition classes, but not many I knew well enough to be versed in ‘male psychology’.

Being in a Catholic girls school gave me the added ‘advantage’ of seeing any male who was even remotely interested in me through tinted glasses. From upper primary classes I’d been taught time and time again that men are strong, scary and sleazy. I had also had a few frightening ‘encounters’ with guys by that time, so I was convinced that nothing good would come from being in a relationship.

And yet, I kept inhaling shoujo manga and certain fictional romances like Pride and Prejudice. I idolized Sakura and Syaoran, a fictional couple who seemed to me have the perfect relationship. It was sweet, understanding and most importantly, they had maximum trust in each other. I desired to meet someone who’d see me in that way.

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I mean… look at them!

But that was inhibited by my above mentioned man-fear and low self-esteem.

When I went to college, for the first time (in a looooong time) I was regularly sharing a classroom with guys. They weren’t as scary as I thought they would be. In fact, I found most of them

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Going the ‘XX’tra mile

Today, we had a group discussion in my civil service coaching class concerning female empowerment. This was a topic of great interest to me as I am biologically female and would probably continue to be so for the rest of my life.

It is during discussions like these when you see the ugly faces of the people you study with. People show their inner prejudices clearly (albeit unconsciously) when it comes to discussing woman rights, racial discrimination and religion. So from the second the topic left our sir’s lips, I had prepared myself for some bullshit or the other. And rightly so, because nearing the end an otherwise obliging ‘brother’ decided to belt out some ‘facts’ that would mean that female empowerment was actually happening, and in his words, had happened ‘enough’. A fact that would have otherwise made me happy, but for him only referencing certain regions and certain nations while leaving the majority untouched.

Heck, he even brought in American politics and how a woman was going to lead the nation. I was itching to point out that the election could still go either way, and Continue reading

On Family and Why I don’t want Children

WARNING- highly emotional rant ahead.

So, I’m going to state a really unpopular opinion of mine, simply because I’ve held it in for so long that its threatening to devour me from the inside.

I love my family. I truly do. But I am not a fan of how they treat me at times. Actually, I absolutely despise their actions at many occasions.

There are instances where their words leave me gasping for breath in-between crying sessions all alone in my room, and then there are happy times when we sit together watching reality shows and make jokes at the expense of the participants. My mother is amazing at juggling work and house work, my dad is the softest person I know and my brother has the most amazing memory. We have so many great family moments that I feel like a little bitch for ever thinking that I want to move away from them.

But I do. Oh I do.

Recently, Continue reading

Thinking (aka Why I’m going to cut down on my coffee intake)

So we malayalees have this holiday where we’re not supposed to read, write or learn for a whole two days. I ended up sitting in my room, looking out my window and sipping some black coffee, thinking about, well, me. And here’s what I found out.

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I’m a very weird person, and I don’t mean it in a I’m-so-interesting-and-different way or a I’m-human-trash way. Everyone is strange in their own little ways- most people are just great in hiding it. The problem with me is that though I am rather good at acting in plays, I cannot pretend to be something I’m not.

That kind of thing is nowadays romanticized in films and books. Its like ‘Oh that character… I know she has a sharp tongue, but she keeps it real and I like how truthful she is.’ In real life, stuff like that gets you hated or at least makes you the irritating one amongst a group of friends. I truly believe that in order to have a fulfilling life as a human being, it is necessary to have the ability to mask one’s true feelings. And by that, I only mean cases where doing so is advantageous to yourself and/or the others involved.

I sometimes forget Continue reading