Lilith

In the shadows I lurk
The true first woman

The sinner who dared walk free

Born like Adam

His equal

Yet punished for the same

Why was I pushed to be

His ‘loving wife’

Against my will?

What was the purpose of my creation?

For, if it was pleasure he seeked

He could have looked elsewhere

Why must I lie beneath him

Like a limp fish

An unmoving statue

When I am so gloriously alive

And breathing? 

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Change 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.”
Snip, snip, snip and suddenly she was a completely different person.
She had a sudden moment of terror when she took in her image on in the mirror. A frightening flashback to when she had earlier sported a short hairstyle. How they’d started calling her a boy. How they’d teased her every time she did something ‘girly’ because she was a boy, wasn’t she? Her childhood sweetheart confessing that he’d never thought of her as a girl because girls have long hair. 
Then all of a sudden the memories stopped coming, and she was back in the saloon, paying a surprisingly cheap fee.
She took a deep breath before stepping out. Continue reading

Farewell, Ivanios :)

Ivanios was the first option that popped up when I googled “best college trivandrum english”. Sure, I’d heard about it before. But never to the point of wanting to go so much that I’d work especially hard to get in. All I wanted was a decent place to study English literature. 

That google search led me to other things, though. Praises for the department. Pictures of the campus. Descriptions of Ivanofest.

And suddenly, I found myself very willing to get in. Continue reading

Love, for me is…

I believe in true love. And to be honest, people have made fun of it for more than I can remember.

My family names love as the feeling you get when you lead a life with a person they choose for you. My friends decide that true love is what we see in Bollywood movies. My brother laughs at love because he still thinks girls have cooties. My ex, for a long time, tried to convince me that love was a lie- a mere mix of chemicals and other decidedly unromantic things. The senior I admire chose a girlfriend who was nice to him because he thought that was love.

To be honest, I’m still not quite sure myself.  Continue reading

The Inexplicable Hardships of Finding Love

“Well. Good bye then.” I tried to smile, but it turned out a grimace.
My date, whom I’d just dropped off, didn’t seem to notice. Mostly because she was looking everywhere but at my face. And no, it’s not because she was shy.

“I had a… unique time.” She said. I knew what that tone meant. I wasn’t getting a second date. I’d learnt to recognise that tone ever since I ventured into dating. Women seldom wanted to see me again.

“I’ll call you.” She said by way of custom. She didn’t even have my number.

“Sure” I muttered. Too bad. This one was actually pretty.

I was thirty one, and I was going home to nothing but an empty bachelors pad. When my fellow workers complained of marriage, I wanted nothing more than to punch them and their home-made lunches to pieces. Living by myself even after thirty was rather…. boring.

Who am I kidding. I’m utterly miserable.

Only, when I turned the door handle, I heard a decidedly masculine burp from inside.

There was someone in my house. Someone male, and rude, judging from the gastric outburst.

I held my umbrella with both hands and nudged the door open with my shoulder, preparing to strike.

Only to be greeted by a half- naked baby chugging what looked like alcohol while lying on my sofa. My once pure white sofa.  Continue reading

Little fan-letter 

Hey

It’s probably really creepy, this fan-letter coming from someone you barely know.

At least, we’ve talked and you know my name, so I hope you are slightly aware of my existence.

(Also, I’m positive that you’ve caught me staring at you many times. I’m also sure that you know my feelings for you, because my friends are never quiet with their teasings and I almost always blush like a tomato)

Maybe this is a crush? I’m not really sure. All I know is that seeing you makes me happy, and I find myself chasing you with my eyes till you disappear from sight. 

Remember the first time we talked? Your classmate introduced me as ‘possibly the craziest girl’ you’d ever meet, and you looked down, introduced yourself and called me cute.

The whole night I tossed and turned in my sleep, wondering if it was a ‘little-sister’ cute or a ‘little animal’ cute. Even when morning came I was still confused about why I cared. 

Hey, will it bother you if I say that I’ve seen you do things you thought no one would see? I’ve seen you feed scraps to the strays. I’ve seen you pick up papers for someone who dropped them. I’ve seen you see me trip and watch, concerned, till I got up and waved to tell you I’m okay. 

We haven’t really talked much, have we? 

My tongue turns against me when I’m in front of you, and I speak like a drunk buffoon. But you always wait patiently till I finish, and pat my head to encourage me through. 

Hey, I’m pretty sure you saw me as a little sister at the very most. 

And I’m actually quite fine with it for once 🙂 as long as I get to see your smile again. 

Open letter to my mother

Amma,

You’ve always been with me. A constant presence in my life that I could not do without. The one who I follow around at every party where I see strangers I am related to but I don’t know. The person who gives me delicious food everyday, even though I may not fully appreciate the greens. You called me your sweetie, your smart princess. The one jewel you loved over all other.

But amma, when did I stop being that to you?

I used to love dressing up and showing you just so I could hear “pretty” from your lips. But now everything I wear is either slutty or old-fashioned. Suddenly my dresses make me look young, some make me look old and others make me look oddly thin. Some are too boyish, others are just ‘wrong’. Amma, why do I now have that one moment of fear before I show you the clothes I like? And even when I succumb to your wishes and wear something I hate to see myself in, why do you not call me “pretty” anymore?

Amma, it means more to me from you than from anyone else.  Continue reading

Of little girls and the masks we all wear 

Whenever my parents speak of my childhood, they start with this one particular story. I was barely three, and they’d taken me to a wedding where we scarcely knew anyone. They took their eyes off me for a few minutes, and I disappeared. After searching for me frantically and nearly giving my grandma (who was at home) a heart attack, they found me in the midst of a group of kids almost thrice my age. They’d all gathered around me, patiently listening to some grand story I was telling them in baby-talk. All of them came to wave me goodbye when it was my time to leave.

And then they turn to the present me with a sigh, and remark “Where has that little girl gone now?”

I dont know. I like to think that she’s still hiding inside me somewhere Continue reading

Graduation Trip part 2- Chikmagalur 

After coorg, we had an overnight trip to Chikmagalur. Post stopping by a hotel for some rest and a much needed bath, we decided to embark on the singular event we had planned for the day- the 8km trekking up Mullayanagiri hills.

The bus stopped at the foot of the hill, and we were distributed water bottles. I took and hid one, because I was damn sure that halfway through the path all of us would be ready to murder each other for a drink.


The walk started off well and good. We walked on a smooth, paved road, pausing here and there to admire the scenery. It was a beautiful place, with curves roads surrounded by forests shrouded in mist even in the afternoon. Continue reading

Reborn 

I hid myself away from the world

And lived untouched, unloved, unhurt

Barely living ; Yet surviving by

Breathing just to go from morning to night

All alone- hence no one to judge me

Queen of my world, though quite unseemly

Not joyous or sad, yet I existed

There in my realm, life wasn’t twisted

Then you chipped away at the walls I built

Threw out my troubles, washed away the guilt

For the first time, I saw the world outside and

Marvelled at its warmth, with you by my side  Continue reading