Obdurate

“Can you love?”, I am asked

Their eyes cold and mocking

The words reach my inner child

The weak being inside me

Who craves to love and be loved

But fears rejection.

 

“Yes.” I whisper

“Yes. Too much.”

Dread

Some nights I sleep with a smile on my face

Others I spend in an unfeeling daze

Yet others set the stage for my tears

Which wet my pillow with my dread and my fears

 

Some nights I dream vivid, pretty dreams

Castles and cupcakes and joyous screams

But at times I dream that the ‘bad man’ has come

And I hug myself tighter, cold and numb

 

Sometimes it’s my classmates, pretending I’m dead

Sometimes it’s the monster drooling under my bead

Sometimes it’s the boy I love, calling me a slut

And then I awaken with a knotted gut

 

Sometimes I fear my dreams are parallel worlds

And there exists one where I’m without my curls

And one where my parents sell me to another

One where my friends change like the weather

 

Other times, they’re scenes from a long time ago

The doubt in her eyes that hurt me so

The lies from the one who hates me sans reason

The words from his mouth, bitter acts of treason

 

But sometimes I dream of all that’s good

Some people around love me all they could

They say that my broken self is just fine

At least for this moment, their hearts are all mine

 

The dreams are yet to be subdued

At times, it feels like a timeless feud

But change has come- now I long to be free

I’ve found my kindred, and they’ve found me

 

Finally my wings have begun to sprout

Before long, I believe I can try them out,

Conquer the world I had feared for so long

And set right all that it had done me wrong.

 

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For all those who are at war with their own minds 🙂 Keep fighting.

(Sorry for the mostly forced rhymes :/ I’m not very good at poetry yet.)

 

 

 

Idée fixe (or Obsession)

She knew he was trouble. She had known it from the first time she laid her eyes on him.

Yet she couldn’t deny her attraction. It was primal. Pure lust. He hadn’t even spared her a glance, but he was all she could see.

She buzzed in anxiety. She wanted to be near him. Needed to be beside him. Hungered to be wrapped up in his fiery embrace.

But no. No. It was dangerous. He would burn her and she would melt. They were too different. It was against everything her family had ever taught her.

Idly she wondered whether he had a family as well. It seemed as if he had just sprung into her life tonight. He had made his entrance in the very same place she had happened to make hers.

It was fate. It was fate. It was fate.

It was meant to be. They were meant to be.

She threw him shy glances but was greeted by cold indifference. It only served to fuel her rampant desire.

By the time she’d come back to her senses, she was already closer to him than before. The heat between them was suffocating, and yet she felt no compulsion to turn back. Like a pawn in a chess game, she could move only in a singular direction. Towards him.

But…. She did have a choice.

She could still turn back.Common sense told her to. She could turn back, and not be another one of his scorned suitors- the poor creatures she saw all around him.

And she almost did.

But for one moment, his warm gaze flickered to her.

“Come” He whispered without words.

She flew towards him. Wondering. Hoping. Wishing. Loving. Wanting.

And the raging fire ate up the fly.

 

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Author’s note:-

Since I’m still not confident of my presentation skills, I’ll explain to all those who didn’t understand. Yeah, this was a story about a fly falling in love with fire. The subject is rather angst-ridden and not my usual style, but this is a work I feel very deeply about.

This is something we see all around us. We give too much of our time and effort to the wrong people, and end up getting burnt. And it isn’t even a ‘stupid teenager’ thing. We’re never too old to fall for fire.

In fact- funny anecdote- this story was inspired by one such person in my life. It was initially meant to be published at a college magazine, but he got involved and… well, you can guess the rest.

So this is my first work in my blog for a reason. 

Criticism welcome 🙂