At the risk of sounding like a privileged piece of shit that has the gall to complain about things as trivial as cat fights, here’s another rant about the soap opera that is my blessed life.
So its been more than a week since I last wrote something from my heart (the award doesn’t count) and I kept telling myself its because so much has happened in my life in so little time, that it took me days to even bring about a semblance of order.
But the harsh truth is-
So this is what happened – a horribly terrible tale of betrayal penned by one of the girls I’d considered myself closest to. *Dramatic music, Audience gasps*
There had been a bunch of nasty rumours going around about me for some time now, stuff I didn’t really give a rat’s ass about at first, but then they gradually came to mean more and more as I found out that the filth had spewed from a mouth I had till then considered only spit out pearls and honey. She used to consult me about her problems with her parents and I’d always been happy to help- she looked every bit a hapless kitten. The catch was that she was close to my ex, their families being fast friends and all that. Also, the general consensus was that she had a bit of an unconscious crush on him (God knows how, though). The subject had been a bit of a sore point between us for a long time, and I’d cried over insinuations about them being in a secret relationship more than I’d like to admit. So understandably, when the consultation turned to my breakup, I’d steered away from it. But that too came at a price. I’d have to sit for hours listening to her talk about how he teased her or pinched her and oh my GOD He’d never done this to you but he’s doing it to me I wonder why geezz!!!
I’d sit in silence, listening to her analyse and cross-analyse his every word and every action, giving the occasional nod or forced laugh whenever she asked “Hey are you listening?”
I wanted to scream out loud “I AM and that’s what’s stunning me to silence!” but no, the girl was hurting at her house, forced into looking after her negligent parents and still expected to remain at the top of her class. It would be selfish and cruel of me to deny her this indulgence. So I kept silent and grunted along to each tale. Every talk would end with her going- “I hope you can understand- I don’t really care for him much, but we’re family friends so we have to get along.”
As days went on, I also gained some personal satisfaction with the realization that her “interactions” with him affected me less and less. I no longer felt this need to be closest to him in class, privy to all his info and being the person the whole class turned to when he was absent.
Now this girl- let’s call her M (for mosquito, because haha she spread rumours)- was a person I’d had much respect for. She was pretty in my eyes, kind and studious. She didn’t have many friends, which bothered me because it reminded me too much of my higher secondary days. I honestly couldn’t wrap my head around why almost everyone seemed disinterested (at the very least) in her company. I pooh-poohed the many friends who came to me with warnings against associating with her too much.
I’d never been a fan of this quote in this particular context, but it fits so well now!
The tide turned the day I heard some personal messages I’d sent her from my ex’s mouth. (That was his idea of a comeback during one of our ‘fights’) When confronted,she told me this story about how he’d chanced upon her phone, which on second telling turned to him “tricking” the information out of her, and then finally how she’d sent him those messages as proof that he was causing friction in our relationship. I decided to actually listen to my friends then.
And later I chanced upon solid proof! I have this guy friend I’m particularly close to (one of my first crushes in college, but that’s a whole different story) and there had been rumours going around of my “blossoming relationship” with him. I wasn’t very sure of who’d started it, only mildly pissed because it was giving my ex the wrong ideas and inconveniencing my friend at the same time. And later I had the honour of overhearing the insinuation from M’s mouth.
And it wasn’t just me. Apparently, I was one of the few people still unaware of her true nature. M was frequently switching sides, spreading rumours and changing herself so as to appeal to different people. I was almost scolded by the others for letting her play me so well.
When they got a vague idea of what her preferred topic of consultation was, I was informed that it wasn’t normal. It took their promising me that “real friends don’t gush to a girl about her ex” to make me realize that I was under no obligation to listen to her. I didn’t have to force myself to play martyr. It was okay for me to feel annoyed when she spoke excessively to me about that guy.
I didn’t owe anything to a girl who painted me as easy.
And invites you over to co-write a book which apparently only you were serious about.
I began to notice more things as well. I noticed how badly she speaks of other people who are better than her in a certain thing, like the girl who took first place last semester. M was going on and on about how stuck up the other girl was being ( But honestly, none of us would’ve known that she’d got first place until the teacher announced it- she was that quiet) and compared it to how ‘humble’ she’d been in spite of her ‘being first all these months’. I felt sick every time I saw her hugging and sweet talking the very girl she’d bitched about earlier, the later very much unaware of M’s two-headed behaviour.
She also went around claiming that there was a higher power conspiring against her. That was why she’d become ‘stuck’ with ‘under achievers’ when we divided groups. That was why her marks were becoming ‘lower and lower’. The conspirators were blamed for a lot of things she couldn’t easily explain without making herself look bad.
So I’ve currently cut off all contact with her. At first she tried to play victim, going around telling people how I ‘broke her heart’. Too bad for her that the very same people had been her victims as well, and thus knew well enough to take her ‘tears’ with a pinch of salt. Her second tactic was to confront me in person, and I was almost swayed but somehow managed to escape (I’m extremely weak to tears. Extreeemely)
Currently she has employed her third approach- My ex (who I’m still on bad terms with) recently messaged me wanting to be friends again, which I politely declined on the grounds of him being toxic. He turned spiteful, claimed that I was essentially a horrid person because my denial of his proposition was enough proof for my rotten character. Turns out that M had been consulting with him about me, claiming that I’d gone so far as to tell her that he only bothered with her to make me jealous.
So basically, he contacted me because he was convinced I was still pining after him.
God knows what else she has told him. -_-
This irked me excessively, especially because I’d actively tried to prevent this from happening by avoiding the subject altogether. Now I’m also starting to wonder about all those times she kept telling me He still loves you! He talks about you all the time! See, all you need to do is apologize!
Like girl, no.
My parents suggested passivity. They told me it may be better to remain ‘friends’ with her, mostly because her father is the Head of a Department in our college and one negative word can affect me a LOT. But I can’t even bear to look directly at her, let alone engage in polite social banter!
My class teacher has encouraged me to go to her to clear any further misunderstandings following the drama incident, so I might take up on her offer if this continues.
My friends have promised to stand by me, even the guy implicated alongside me in the sleazy rumours. His calmness has influenced me a lot, and I’m thankful for that!
Oh well. Less than half a year to go- lets hope I would be able to keep off murder at least till then!