Unanswered

Firstly, I apologize for the long absence -_- College was taking too much of my time. But I have some holidays now so I’m back! Yay!  ~( ^ o ^ )~

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Her feelings were and would always be one sided, and she was strangely okay with it.

She didn’t know what to call it. It was too shallow to be love, but too deep to be just a crush. The object of her affections, she had known for a long time. Yet the connection was new forged.

He was the complete opposite of what she had deemed her ‘type’. Short and soft-spoken, he preferred books to TV shows and silences to meaningless babble. He payed a lot of attention to grooming but aimed to look neat rather than stylish. He’d easily be lost in a crowd because there was nothing particularly unique about his appearance.

But her gaze would find him in seconds.

No one could see, unless they looked very closely, how his eyes looked like molten chocolate in the sun. They’d never find the small crooked tooth that would magically appear with every shy smile nor the lean muscles hiding behind the crisp clothes. That his palm, whenever it touched her’s, was rough and calloused to the point it sometimes became pleasantly uncomfortable. They’d never understand how kind he was, to the point she had to actively remind herself that no, he wasn’t treating her in a special manner. He was that kind to everyone he cared about.

Her friends loved him too, and he loved them. They’d always be a cozy little group when together, and she was surprised to discover that jealousy was never a factor during such a time. She knew that it would be impossible for anyone to not gravitate towards him. And she was proud of the same. She would’ve mistaken her feelings for deep rooted admiration, had it not been for those dreams she’d have at times.

They were close, there was no denying that. It wasn’t rare to find them holding hands or sitting together and laughing at each other’s lame jokes. And though he would regularly tell her that he loved her, she knew enough to not mistake it for a confession. His words meant- I adore you, my best friend. And you’re going to make someone a very happy person one day. Just… not me.

But that was okay. She’d already decided that she’d never confess.

Her judgement wasn’t always top class when it came to the matters of the heart. She had dated a few scumbags before, and they’d all served a part in her crumbling self-esteem and trust issues. Maybe this was the reason she didn’t want to verbalize her emotions… so that even if her feelings were returned, they’d never be mutilated by time. So that even as years pass, he’d still be in her life, as a friend at the very least.

She was a coward. But she was a wise coward.

Years later, she knew that she’d watch him take another girl’s hands in the altar and still be perfectly happy about it. For the first time she was experiencing the kind of love that was not selfish, and she planned to keep it that way.

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He stole a peek at the gir- woman sitting beside him. She was narrating another funny incident that had happened to her, eyes sparkling and hands moving excitedly, occasionally pausing to giggle at her own jokes. He couldn’t help but smile at that.

He wondered when she’d finally figure out his feelings for her.